There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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