perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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