I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
