you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
