oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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