Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
