I wish I could teleport
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
