She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
