So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
