i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
