now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
