I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
