All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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