I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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