His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
