So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
