I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
