I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
