Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
