Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
