If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
