News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My dick has a subreddit
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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