Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
