i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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