I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
