Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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