just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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