Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
