the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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