I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize