tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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