Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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