You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
