hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
