Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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