when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
