Is it normal to miss your booty call?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
