I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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