super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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