So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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