I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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