What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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