so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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