Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
