haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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