Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How does it feel to date your dad?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
