So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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