1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
