garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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