I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
