man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
