Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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