he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
