i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Fuck me I smell like cheese
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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