There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
