We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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